Revealing the Truth: Is My Child a Narcissist?

I think that at one point or another, we have all met a narcissist. To have your own child show narcissistic tendencies can be disheartening as a parent. Where and when this behavior begins is a question that many would like the answers to so we can work on prevention and treatment for those displaying these behaviors. Having a child that displays narcissistic tendencies can be a challenge and feel like a hopeless mission, but there is hope. There is a way to work with your child to guide them to a healthier path, but we wonder what this may look like.

Background Information

Before we dive deep, let’s first cover our bases with the terminology that will be used. Narcissism is a trait that those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may display. Narcissism can be related to behavior seeming arrogant, belittling to others, being envious of others, exploiting others for personal gain, feeling superior to others, having a sense of entitlement, and having no question about being the best at much of what they do. Do not get narcissism confused with having confidence or higher self-esteem. Someone who has a healthy self-esteem will have an appropriate balance of self interest and displaying prosocial behaviors while reciprocating this behavior in relationships. Someone with higher self-esteem or more confidence may strive for growth, but this alone does not make them a narcissist.

School-Aged Children and Narcissism Tendencies

When we observe children that are still in school, we may see some narcissistic behaviors being displayed. For example, you might find that these children show a lack of empathy for others, have difficulty with making or keeping friendships, doing poorly in school, not accepting responsibility for things, viewing attention as being a right or a need, and believing that they are better than others or deserve more than others. Although these behaviors can be viewed as narcissistic tendencies, it is important to remember that children have underdeveloped brains and they may experience these behaviors due to learning how to foster their own self-esteem, show empathy, and operating well with others. Therefore, just because a child has one or more of these symptoms, does not mean that they will be considered someone with NPD as they become an adult.   

Causes and Diagnoses

As with most disorders, there are many influential factors contributing to the development of NPD or narcissistic traits. One of these considerations is genetics. A child who demonstrates more impulsive behaviors is more likely to become a narcissist when combined with their other traits. Much of our thinking and behaviors are pre-programmed based on genetic factors.

However, when it comes to NPD, a child’s environment and the caregiver’s parenting are going to be the biggest influential factors. There is not one singular cause for NPD, it is caused by a plethora of factors. In a 2015 study, children rated statements revealing narcissism and self-esteem and, in this study, the parents also rated the children. This study showed that having warm and supportive parenting resulted in higher self-esteem as the child matures. Narcissistic tendencies were related to parents who were overvaluing their children. For example, when a child could improve on something, only telling them how great they did and emphasizing this, can inflate their self-esteem in a negative way (if they are susceptible to NPD) as they will not see the room for improvement, rather just the successes. This does not foster a healthy mindset when meeting goals and working through life stressors. If a child’s thinking and behavior stays the same and does not get corrected, they will be more likely to develop NPD.

When considering diagnosis for NPD, it is important to remember that there are professionals in this field for a reason. If you are reading this, and you are low-key worried that your child might have unhealthy behaviors or thinking patterns in relation to this topic, see a professional for advice. This is strictly just to provide the public with basic information to enhance your own thinking.

When you address the possibility of NPD with a mental health provider, it is important to know and understand that NPD can not be diagnosed in someone younger than 18 years old. The main reason for this being that children must ‘test the waters’ so to speak, to find out who they are, how they will operate in relationships, how to work with others, and so on. If we looked at the diagnosing criteria with most children, we would find that they surely display some of these tendencies. It is when these run into adolescent to young adult years that it can start becoming more evident if someone has NPD.  

Preventing Narcissism

If you are concerned about your child’s behaviors and thoughts and you wonder if they are displaying narcissistic tendencies, it is important to proceed with caution. Children’s brains are like sponges, especially when it comes to mimicking parent behavior and thought processes. When in doubt, seek professional help as mentioned above.

Start by showing your child positive behaviors. Display empathy to others in front of your child, whether this be an in-person experience or rather through playing with their toys with them. If your child is displaying narcissistic behaviors, be sure to set strong boundaries with them. It is important that they have structure and know when enough is enough. Setting those boundaries now can help your child adjust and learn those boundaries in relationships beyond with their parents. Be sure to praise your child appropriately. Don’t be afraid to show them how to find ways to improve and be realistic when addressing their goals for the future. Setting up your child to understand these things now will help to prevent narcissistic tendencies from developing. As a parent, it is important to foster patience, good self-esteem, and the ability to think of others.

Conclusion

Children are constantly learning how to be a person and function in society. This can be a complex journey for some, especially for those parents that are worried that their children are displaying narcissistic tendencies. If your child is struggling with friendships and has difficulty showing empathy to others, you could bring up your concerns with a mental health professional. There are some things that you can do at home as the child’s caregiver to foster positive behaviors and emotions. It is also important not to be concerned until the child gets older as they are still learning.